Homeopath and Depression

It's been a while since I last posted, I had a setback which I'll go into at a later date.
My last chronological entry talked about me getting ready to see a homeopathic nurse practioner. The initial intake interview was 300.00, which we usually don't happen to have lying around. This time we managed to have exactly that amount in savings. I look at it that God was preparing us for this. The interview took two hours and it was just Doug, my homeopath lifesaver, and me. My husband drove me to the appointment since I was still unable to function on my own. He waited the entire time in the waiting room not once complaining. The session was videotaped and Doug took detailed notes as I talked, cried and rambled. I talked about my feeling disconnected with my two older children, and how I've always felt like I had a heart of stone. To others I appear very animated and loving, but it's a mask I wear. Unfortunately I don't wear it for my family, they get the real me....the angry me....the negative me....the unplayful me....Etc. So these are the issues Doug addressed. The depression seemed to be a symptom of the true illness lying dormant for so many years. The first thing he did was compile a schedule, with the help of my doctor and myself, as to what drugs to wean off of first. First came the "anti-psychotic". No withdrawls from that, though it left an uncontrollable twitch in my nose. (That subsided within a couple of months) The next one was Welbutrin-no withdrawls from that. The big gun was Paxil which can be a horror story all of its own during the weaning process. I had researched every drug I was on, and knew what to expect from their benefits and drawbacks. I weaned off this VERY slowly and gradually. I had "zaps" for about 2 months but that was all. Zaps are little electrical impulses that shoot throughout your body with various head and eye movement. It is quite un-nerving. I chose to keep my Clonzapin or Clonazapan (generic vs name brand) to have on hand for future anxiety attacks. This paticular drug is fast acting, and leaves your system quickly. Though I dropped from my daily 4 mg. to 1/2 mg. as needed. I've only needed it twice in the last 3 months. He started me immediately on a "remedy" as they call it. It works with your body's physical energies if I understand right. My husband and I joked about it being wolf urine-yes that could be a possibility. Doug wouldn't tell me right away, he wanted me to have some time of taking it first for it to take effect. Now mind you I went in to him on the brink of emotional and mental death since nothing else was helping. Within in days I felt a lifting of some of the depression. I started seeing him once a month. The second meeting I was told I was taking chocolate! I loved that! Chocolate targets the need for attachment, security, and safety etc. Unfortunately it didn't benefit me to eat chocolate from the store. A chocolate molecule is taken and dripped into a water molecule until it becomes a solid. Remember this is my laymens or "lame"mens understanding of it all. So I could be a little off or a lot in the process description. Either way, it's done in a lab and is very scientific. I was told that I would feel better in 3 months and in a year I would feel better that I ever did before. I started feeling back to normal within weeks and continued to for months. I would, however, cycle with the depression. It would come back about every 8-10 days and hit me hard for a day or two. But this was so much better than where I had been. People who knew me saw what a miracle this was. My doctor exclaimed what a miracle this was. I knew what a miracle this was. Glory to God for bringing me to a place of rest and healing. I met with Doug in September for the first time, then again in November. I was doing so well we skipped December and met again in January. In between I had phone and email contact with him. During this time he tweaked my remedy a few times according to my needs. I took a different dosage to get me through a set back, then went on to the liquid form to help stop the cycling. I was becoming pretty consistent with having a good day, then about 7 blah days, followed by 1 or 2 really down days with the uncontrollable crying etc. People kept commenting on how good it was to have me "back" again. My eyes were clear again, my posture was straight. My thoughts were focusing and my smile was coming easily. However, something kept feeling like it just wasn't quite right yet. I had a continuous uneasy feeling. How far I had come though, from the depths of PPD to just trying to get my game back. I had said long ago that it would probably be a full year before I was myself again. In Jan. I started feeling like I was relapsing. My days of depression were becoming longer and more frequent. My inability to function was starting to be questioned again. I thought this was supposed to be ending, not starting over again. But what happened next is to be saved for another post. Don't worry, there's a happy ending.