Take a picture-it lasts longer

I remember either being stared at as a child or staring at someone and hearing the common refrain, "Take a picture, it lasts longer!" Back then that phrase was always met with embarrassment or victory. Now it speaks volumes to me.
I've mentioned a few times about not being able to remember the summer of 2004. I started thinking about my ppd journey and tried to recall events during this time. Andrew was born in March and my memory starts to fade with June 7th the day after his baptism, the day I finally completely broke down. I seem to have little snippits of pictures in my head of different moments. Of course I remember crying and sleeping and severe panicking, but I don't remember the good things. I have absolutely no recollection of Fathers Day or how it was spent. My in-laws came to help out again in July but I have no memory of them being here. I'm told they were here for my birthday, but I can't see that in my head. We took a vacation to Vancouver and then on to Seaside Wa. My husband laughs because he'll mention something we did and I look blankly at him. I cannot visualize the hotel room or the beach at all. On Thanksgiving my sister and brother in law came from New York. I remember her stopping by my house and commenting on how messy the livingroom was, and I remember walking into my moms house on TG and crying. I don't remember the dinner or spending any time with my sister. I assume we did. Christmas is a blank slate as well. I start having visual memories again about the end of January 2005. Some doctors attribute this to my body's defense system and "not wanting to remember" , others have connected the use of the many drugs I was on as being the culprit. I kind of think it was a bit of both. My husband brought out some pictures of the vacation and I started to be able to formulate the memory as I looked at the pictures. And some pictures only proved I was there physically, I still not being able to remember the time frame of the picture. I now wish that people would have taken tons of pictures during this time. I don't feel like I lost the first and a half years of Andrews birth, but I do feel like I lost a year and a half of life in general. I would have yelled at people for wanting to take pictures of me and I would have insisted strongly they STOP IT! But now I see how important this would have been for my recovery. Just being able to see the year and now I was alive and participated in it would help. I may look terrible in the pictures but at least I would be able to create the memory in my head. I will encourage anyone affected by someone suffering from PPD to take lots of pictures! It will feel wrong and invasive but the time of healing will come and then the memories will want to be felt. The few pics I have don't remind me of the terrible time it reminds me of the life and love that went on around me and that's what I want to remember. As I get farther away from the illness I become more comfortable looking back.
I am continuing therapy to change my reactive style and general outlook on life. This seems to be the final step in recovering. Because of experiencing this deep depression I'm working on ways to beat falling back with Winter looming ahead. My "homework" this week is to create a list of things I can do when I start to feel down (when the sun isn't out and it's cold) . It's hard coming up with ideas to bring the sunshine in when it's gloomy out. I'm open to any suggestions you all may have so please share.
This blog has been a life saver for me, it has allowed me to have a safe outlet to share my emotions and fears. The postings are coming slower now as life resumes. But I shall try and continue to post my journey. Because it isn't just about recovering from post partum depression anymore, it's about how life is changing from the journey.