20 months post partum

I don't even know how to start this post. I feel baaaaaaad. I've been struggling with anxiety the last couple of weeks which is now slipping into depression. I went to my couseling session last week and couldn't focus on the task at hand. I told her I needed to figure out this anxiety thing and what is triggering it. I thought I had it figured out. But apparently my body is telling me something else is up. I hate that I'm 20 months post partum and still suffering from bouts of depression. In retrospect though realized that I have had a life long pattern of depression, though before I wasn't aware of it. I just knew I was very unhappy. Now there is all sorts of anxiety mixed in. I wake up wondering if, when I get out of bed, I'm going to be able to put a smile on my face or are my insides going to be in a state of turmoil and chaos. I feel alone, let down, scared, defensive and sad with a whole lot of chest pains. I'm thinking I need to see my homeopath again to get the anxiety/depression under control, which means I need to put my therapy on hold for a month or so. I can't focus on healing the past till I deal with the current topical issues, which ironically are a result of my past. What an unending cycle! However, on a positive note, I'm fighting this without the help of any medication (aside from vitamins, h20, protein etc) So it makes sense that I have to fight harder than someone on anti-depressants. I feel like I do have an edge though, I have walked through this before. I know what to expect. I know what tools to use. I know it sucks but I know it won't kill me. So my prescription now is: Reading Elder Ambrose-of the Optina Series, Psalms 101, 26, 90 and 36 daily, 2 qts. h20, an anxiety mixture of vitamins, getting outside daily, the Jesus Prayer, talking about it, crying, knowing my limits and adhering to them and remembering that a day will come where I will feel good again. Glory to God for all things-may this be for my salvation.