My anxious mind

Christ is Risen!
Bright Week is upon us. Bright Week is the week after Orthodox Easter. Our rules of prayer are relaxed as is our fasting. It's a time of joy and walking in the resurrection. I always expect Bright Week to come and bring a relief to the pain and struggles I have gone through during Lent. I always expect instant joy and giddiness. Yea, that lasts about a day and a half then reality sets in. The reality that I still exist in this world. It is still a joyful week admist the continued struggles. We have a sick household again with fevers and sore throats and a possible ear infection for me. We've been sick since January, we seem to get a break of a week or so then here comes something else. There is Grace between those hard times though. Just as there is Grace between my struggles. I've experienced the Grace after dealing with my anxiety a few weeks ago. My Zoloft is kicking in and my anxiety level is down. My mind continues to spin and wonder and have an agenda of its own though. I am still experiencing "spiking" thoughts (thoughts that typically lead to an anxiety attack) but my body isn't reacting to them as it did before. I'm guessing the meds are helping to even out those pesky imbalanced chemicals. The sun is out daily and the temps are very warm. This brings me joy in the midst of the gray that clouds my brain. I feel like a cat laying in the sun soaking up the warmth to store for the cold days. I'm learning some new things to replace the destructive thoughts. Like, so what if I have a heart attack, it's out of my control anyway. So what if I have an ear infection, I'll get over it. No that isn't a life threatening pain I feel, it's a sore muscle from mowing the lawn. You get the idea. I have to reassure my brain that I'm ok, it doesn't have to work over time thinking it needs to press my panic button. It's actually helping a bit. Living in Gods Grace helps too. He's given me Grace to rest up for the next battle, be it more anxiety or depression or illnesses. I'll be rested up and ready to "fight" again. I'm also learning to anticipate possible stress factors that I normally wouldn't think of. Kids birthdays all in a row, sleep overs, guests, early church services, sleepless nights, bill paying, laundry staring at me, the cat staring at me, the kids staring at me, etc. With these stress factors I will use the muscles relaxation I've been learning and do the Jesus Prayer and smile whether I want to or not. So, yes, Christ is Risen, but we also are still living in a broken world. Glory to God that He has given us His Grace to get through the rest of the journey.
More on the journey later-now it's time for bed and some deep breathing.