Oops I did it again

Well, the ugly monster anxiety reared it's ugly head at me again. A few weeks ago I woke in the middle of the night with a stomach ache. My mind wandered to an episode of "Trauma, life in the ER" I had watched earlier that evening. A doctor was admitted in to the hospital with Appendicitis. I didn't really think I had it, but my mind tends to have a mind of it's own. Thus started the worst panic attack I've experienced. My heart began pounding, I started sweating and I grew light headed. Everything started closing in around me and my eyesight fogged up. I was on the verge of passing out-or so I thought. I woke my husband in a panic and he carried me to the livingroom. I wasn't able to walk. I told him to get me a cold rag and a clonazapan. After laying there for a while I calmed down and was able to go back to bed. This little episode started a two week spree of anxiety and panic. I became afraid of driving my kids, thinking I would pass out in the car. On the way to an eye appointment with my son, I had to turn around and go get my dad to drive us. I couldn't function any longer. I had 4 panic attacks just in the doctors office while trying to talk to him. I drove to church with the kids and arrived in a flood of tears. I sent the two older ones inside and my Godmother and another friend came to my rescue. They sat in the car with me as I cried and talked. It was decided then that I needed help controlling these anxiety attacks. They paralyze me and it takes me a week or more to recover from them. Upon finding that Zoloft addresses Anxiety disorders I made the decision to try it. It was heart wrenching due to my previous experience with medication. It's been two weeks since I started the drug. One thing I have learned since then, is, it is impossible to faint during a panic attack. When you faint, your blood pressure drops and passing out is your bodies way of getting your head down level with your feet. When having an anxiety attack your blood pressure actually goes up making it not possible for your body to faint.
I started to have destructive thoughts again after the first episode, "what if I try and hurt myself, what if I try and hurt someone else..." I have since also learned that these thoughts do not produce anxiety, it is anxiety that produces these thoughts. They are not real or accurate. These two realizations were of comfort to me.
My husband infiltrated my diet with whole grains and fresh foods-no sugar, no caffeine etc. My hunger had decreased anyway so it wasn't hard to change my eating. I increased my water again and tried to get outside as much as possible. When you start experiencing the panic attacks, it's important to become pro-active and not immobilized. I listened to my body and napped when I needed to, I ate even when I didn't want to, I walked when I was tired. I continued my prayer life and repeatedly sought Gods mercy. This felt like when I first broke down with PPD. I think that's why it scared me more on one hand. But on the other hand I also knew how to deal with it this time. So in the end, of this post at least, I have been anxiety free for 4 days now and continue to look forward. This isn't about Post Partum Depression anymore, it's about living in a stressed out world with a stressed out body and anxious mind. Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me a sinner.