Fear Not!

I recently learned a valuable lesson while on vacation. Being born and raised in So. California I was a fearful child that grew into a fearful adult. As a kindergartner I would lie in bed afraid the mummies that lived down the street would crawl up to my second floor bedroom. I was afraid to walk by the house that had snake pits and a witch living there. In Second grade I grew fearful of the Zodiac Killer http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zodiac_Killer. I also grew to dread the sound of helicopters flying above, knowing that it was a criminal they were looking for-in my backyard I was sure. As I grew I continued to be afraid of many things. Even after being married many years the fear was so intense I would barracade myself in my house when Herman went on trips. I was afraid of people walking on the street, and especially of walking in cross walks in front of cars. My legs would wobble and I had to force myself to remember how to walk. The list goes on of the fears I lived with.
That was then, though, and this is now.
Before going to So. California I told my hubby that I didn't want to go to Down town because I was nervous about being there. I was sure I would be a target. I hated driving the freeway through L.A. just to get to my in-laws house. I thought about how they sleep with their windows open and I would lay awake each night during vacation listening for intruders.
I was prepared for the usual fears to take over while on vacation.
However, at some point during the trip I realized I was without any hesitation or fear. We went downtown and walked around. I experienced downtown Portland where I normally would cringe and walk with a rapid heart beat, only this time I enjoyed what I saw and laughed at the pot smokers on the corner. I didn't walk with my head down when passing someone looking "scary". I held my head up high and even joked about the "crack house" feel of the hallway in our hotel downtown. It was such a freeing feeling and a social freedom that allowed me to really look at life, at people. It was on the way home I related this to Herman. And I concluded that suffering from Post Partum Depression was enough to scare me for a life time. After a year and a half of PPD there's nothin' that can scare me now.
I'm still medicated but am not going to couseling. I'm happy and alive and feeling vibrant. Winter's a comin' and I'm ready. Afterall whats a little gloomy dreary weather compared to a hellish emotional roller coaster ride. Another thing to be grateful for from the makers of Post Partum Depression. Thank you and Good Night.